She never really understood why she was attracted to him in the first place. He didn't have that special something she shared with her previous boyfriends, but somehow she accepted his invitation for a night out anyway. Why? She didn't know, she wished she didn't say yes.
She was too quick to act, too quick to decide, and too quick to say yes. The days spent with him were a mere blur, nothing interested ever came to their relationship. The end was quick and seemed so long at the same time. She knew the ending would be fast and worst of all she knew where he was heading next. Another heart.
Feeling more mature, she felt she did the right thing and still do. Not all love stories have happy ending. Some just trailled off without reasons, some ended abruptly without a warning and some just slipped off without even realising. All these realizations came through her head like roundabouts of jumbled words. She needed to sit down.
Undestanding attraction to the grown up girl is still a mystery. She could never understand why this love story in particular even started in the first place. But it didn't matter, all she needed to know was it could happen and she won't let history repeat itself.
Saturday, June 30, 2012
Thursday, June 7, 2012
[Le passé] The Wrong Handsome Guy
The start of the school year only meant one thing, a new class filled with new friends and hopefully some old friends too. She smiled and jumped excitedly when they announced that she was going to be in the same class as her best friend. Lucky girl.
This year is going to be awesome. Plans ran quickly through her thoughts and some were shared with her best friend. They smiled.
The racketing noise inside her class could be heard from the corridor. She entered her new class pretty confidently. She was no longer the new kid and most kids in her year knew who she was. She wasn't popular but pretty well-known. Greetings from new friends came soon after she sat down. Her new friends scattered to their places as soon as the teacher came in. The teacher's voice was a distant blur as she observed her new crowd. One guy caught her attention, he saw her, she quickly turned elsewhere. A quick teenager tactic for not getting caught staring at a cute guy.
The guy was witty and funny. He was just plain handsome, any girl in their right mind would see that and it was the reason why a dozen girl was lining up wanting to be with him. She, however, had the privilege to be his best friend, what an honour, right? Calls after calls, talks after talks, she realized something in her tummy. Were they butterflies? No it can't be.
When the calls and talks stopped, she knew it was mainly her fault. She was never good at expressing her feelings, she chose to distract herself instead. This time the distraction came from his friend, another beauty, a more mysterious beauty. Maybe that was why she instantly felt the attraction, he was the perfect distraction.
The distraction was not a distraction after all. It turned to be a long term distraction, one she discovered to be her first experience of love. The wrong handsome guy took her from the guy she truly cared, but to some extend she didn't mind. The one that got away, another star lesson put into the knowledge bag. The bag keeps getting heavier.
This year is going to be awesome. Plans ran quickly through her thoughts and some were shared with her best friend. They smiled.
The racketing noise inside her class could be heard from the corridor. She entered her new class pretty confidently. She was no longer the new kid and most kids in her year knew who she was. She wasn't popular but pretty well-known. Greetings from new friends came soon after she sat down. Her new friends scattered to their places as soon as the teacher came in. The teacher's voice was a distant blur as she observed her new crowd. One guy caught her attention, he saw her, she quickly turned elsewhere. A quick teenager tactic for not getting caught staring at a cute guy.
The guy was witty and funny. He was just plain handsome, any girl in their right mind would see that and it was the reason why a dozen girl was lining up wanting to be with him. She, however, had the privilege to be his best friend, what an honour, right? Calls after calls, talks after talks, she realized something in her tummy. Were they butterflies? No it can't be.
When the calls and talks stopped, she knew it was mainly her fault. She was never good at expressing her feelings, she chose to distract herself instead. This time the distraction came from his friend, another beauty, a more mysterious beauty. Maybe that was why she instantly felt the attraction, he was the perfect distraction.
The distraction was not a distraction after all. It turned to be a long term distraction, one she discovered to be her first experience of love. The wrong handsome guy took her from the guy she truly cared, but to some extend she didn't mind. The one that got away, another star lesson put into the knowledge bag. The bag keeps getting heavier.
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
[Le passé] High School Dream
Him. Yes he, was incredibly charming. Well, at least for a new 14-year-old transferred girl.
"Hey," he greeted with that high confidence.
"Hey," the girl replied shyly.
And that was how all it started.
The school was new for the girl, so different from her previous all-girls-school which she only lasted less than 3 months. She liked her new class, her new friends, although they were a little boisterous, she didn't mind.
Matches my personality. She thought to herself.
The dark-haired boy stood out the most. He excelled in English, although not so much in other subjects, and was blaring with confidence topped with his sweet-mouthed words. Maybe, that was why she was so curious of him.
Of course then, she had no friends to tell her what a big playboy he was at the school. She had no idea that behind the sweet mouth lays a big jerk who treats girl with no respect. She had no idea, that was why she innocently and slowly fell into his trap. That sweet trap filled with his playful words. She had a weakness for words.
After a few months, she proudly presented him as my boy, my guy, my man...or whatever. Just in the first week of their supposedly happiest week, she found him guilty as charged. Her new friends finally revealed his "open secrets", which she whisked ignorantly, assuring herself that they were just jealous. But her self-assurance faded as she saw him in his real self one day.
And what she saw was a boy with no self-respect stood in a puddle of lies. She slowly moved away from him, thanking the God above it wasn't love. Because if it was, it would've hurt like hell.
Time to time, she regretted knowing him. Now, she knows there is no need for regret, it was a precious lesson. A lesson she will never repeat, but is kept in her bag of knowledge.
"Hey," he greeted with that high confidence.
"Hey," the girl replied shyly.
And that was how all it started.
The school was new for the girl, so different from her previous all-girls-school which she only lasted less than 3 months. She liked her new class, her new friends, although they were a little boisterous, she didn't mind.
Matches my personality. She thought to herself.
The dark-haired boy stood out the most. He excelled in English, although not so much in other subjects, and was blaring with confidence topped with his sweet-mouthed words. Maybe, that was why she was so curious of him.
Of course then, she had no friends to tell her what a big playboy he was at the school. She had no idea that behind the sweet mouth lays a big jerk who treats girl with no respect. She had no idea, that was why she innocently and slowly fell into his trap. That sweet trap filled with his playful words. She had a weakness for words.
After a few months, she proudly presented him as my boy, my guy, my man...or whatever. Just in the first week of their supposedly happiest week, she found him guilty as charged. Her new friends finally revealed his "open secrets", which she whisked ignorantly, assuring herself that they were just jealous. But her self-assurance faded as she saw him in his real self one day.
And what she saw was a boy with no self-respect stood in a puddle of lies. She slowly moved away from him, thanking the God above it wasn't love. Because if it was, it would've hurt like hell.
Time to time, she regretted knowing him. Now, she knows there is no need for regret, it was a precious lesson. A lesson she will never repeat, but is kept in her bag of knowledge.
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